Economic Stimulus Payment

“Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

“Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
“A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

“Q. Where will the government get this money?
“A. From taxpayers.

“Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
“A. No, they are borrowing it from China. Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.

“Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
“A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

“Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
“A. Shut up.”

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs and Al Queda

If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Chile, and Guatemala.

If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea.

If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India

If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan

If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

Albert or Marylin?

This is the pretty mind-bending. Get out of your seat and walk away from the monitor just a little ways, maybe 15 feet or so…and then look back at this picture…People may think you’re crazy. But it’s well worth it.

Because it was a Daddy!

Two of the kids ran into my office today, a little concerned about what they had found, and Mikki said, “We saw a live spider outside!”

I told them that spiders lived outside, so that was okay for it to be out there.

Davon then said, “Yeah, and it had looooong legs!”

Mikki added, “That’s because it was a Daddy!”

Well Behaved

Around the dinner table the other night the little ones were getting a bit rowdy. So we talked about how they needed to BEHAVE at the table.

Cute little 3 year old Mikki piped up, “Mom, I AM haved!”

Pretending

So last night we were driving home, and cute little Mikki is pointing out Christmas lights and decorations as we go. On some of the rooftops are inflated snowmen, santas, etc., which we have helped her understand are just “pretend” and not real. She was initially concened about their safety it seems, so that settled it for her. She just thought they were cool, now.

But then as we rounded a corner to turn up State Street, another commercial building had more inflatables on it. And she cheerfully announces:

“If I were on the rooftop, I would be pretend, too!”

The Car is On Backwards

My little 3 year old sweetie is the darndest, cutest thing there ever was. She says the funniest smartest things, and I want to start keeping track of them here.

Today we pulled into a parking space, but instead of going in nose-first like normal, I instead backed into the space. Mikki, from the back seat, exclaimed, “The Car is On Backwards!”

ROFLMAO!!!